I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
