He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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