this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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