I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need water and some morals
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
