My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My bed is full of blood and feathers
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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