Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
