omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
