Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
