woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
