I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
FUCK WHALES
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize