Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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