meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
