please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
