did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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