I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
