He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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