My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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