I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
they're like a gay fantastic four
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
