its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
