I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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