Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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