Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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