I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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