I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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