nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
