Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
