i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
