Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
