I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
