I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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