Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We got so high we made milksteak
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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