tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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