I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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