now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize