i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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