OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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