is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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