I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
