Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
