He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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