What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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