fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
