I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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