Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
