Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
