what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
