I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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