Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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