god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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