Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
