just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
