we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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