you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
