Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize