pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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