dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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