The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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