He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
