OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
