Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
