I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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