FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
