Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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