who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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