I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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