I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize