Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
