**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
