It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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