why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize