My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
