you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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