??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
