alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize