You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
