Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
