i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
