We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
