Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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