The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
