Don't make out with my wife yet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
