i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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