if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
