we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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