Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
