Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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