I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
