Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
