i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
