The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
