You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
