i don't like sucking hair
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
