you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
