i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sex in a hospital.. check
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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