quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
