Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
