you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
