You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
