why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
