It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
